and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
