I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
