I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
