Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
