i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize