when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
