all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
