why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
