I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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