Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
