Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
