Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
