totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
