my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
