i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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