I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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