do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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