He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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