oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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