I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
