in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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