you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
not ubering you a puppy
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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