Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
