I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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