All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
