I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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