My brain says no but my pants say off.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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