Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
