He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
