the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
