theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
