Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
