There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
