Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
