I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
