Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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