First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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