Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
honey bunches of taint.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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