ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think I died a long time ago.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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