So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Boobs speak an international language.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
