i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Randomize
