i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
