I got chris browned last night
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
