I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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