Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
