i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
