We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
