A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
