the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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