I think I am morally bankrupt
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
