My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
