I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
